I Am Not a Gift Wrap Elf

It’s time for another confession.

I am not a gift wrap elf.

Come Christmastime, every human who participates in the seasonal tradition of gift giving falls into two categories: gift wrap elves and gift wrap gremlins.

Elf (noun)

·        a supernatural creature of folk tales, typically represented as a small, elusive figure in human form with pointed ears and magical powers.

The gift wrap elves are always easy to spot. While they have learned how to hide their pointed ears and can disguise their bodies into any shape they choose, their magical power is always visible in their gift-wrapping skill. Corners are perfectly folded, paper is perfectly straight, and all ribbons are tied to perfection on any gift they give. Have an awkwardly-shaped gift? Give it to an elf you know and watch the magic work!

Grem·lin (noun, informal)

·        an imaginary mischievous sprite regarded as responsible for an unexplained problem or fault, especially a mechanical or electronic one.

Most of us, however, are gift wrap gremlins. There are varying degrees of gremlin, ranging from “slightly awkward penguin” to “help, the scotch tape is eating me!” Gifts wrapped by gremlins tend to have crooked paper and fewer decorations, mostly because hand-tied bows are the bane of our existences. Gifts from the scotch tape’s dinner, however, can be nearly unrecognizable as a present, leading many of these gremlins to pay an elf to wrap the gift for them. Fortunately for the sake of my wallet and the recipients of my gifts, I’m generally just an awkward penguin, but that doesn't make it any more fun to see one of my wrapping jobs next to that of an elf.

There really isn't much of a point to this post.

I mean, I could pull a mild Jesus Juke and say that God loves us all no matter how skilled we are at gift-wrapping (which is true). Or I could say that it’s the heart behind the gift that matters, not the skill with which it was wrapped (which is also true). But really I just wanted to make someone smile. Merry Christmas and have fun both wrapping and unwrapping gifts!