Late Night Honest Thoughts

Maybe it’s the breadth of random topics that work their way through my brain late at night, or maybe it’s the way I have found myself capable of turning the most seemingly disconnected things into a philosophical argument, but most of my blog posts get written in the early A.M. This one is no exception.

Somehow as I was laying here in bed I ended up with a Nickelback song stuck in my head, which does not happen very often, mostly because I only know one. But as the lyric, “Say it if it’s worth saving me,” rolls through my head, I can’t help but think about all the people begging someone to answer that question tonight.

I have been thinking about things like this far more often since my recent rescue from depression. My head was in the right place but my body was not cooperating, and it was dragging my emotions down with it. That’s when Jesus stepped in and basically used one evening of intense crying to set me free. To Christians out there struggling with depression, I have this to say: You are not worth less because you are depressed. God is not mad at you for having depression. Depression is not who you are, and when you don’t have the strength to fight it, He fights for you.

But non-Christians with depression, and some Christians who are drifting away, don’t relate to God like I do. Many people get mad at Him and even hate Him because they can’t see light. And when those people ask if they are worth saving, they don’t hear the answer I got months before that night of freedom.

The answer from God’s side never changes. You are worth saving. He will never stop reaching out to you with His love. Darkness likes to shroud our view and keep us from seeing anything of value in ourselves and the world around us, but darkness is not the final answer. There is a light that always overcomes the darkness, if you’ll let it in.

You are worth saving, and no matter what you have done or will ever do, you always will be.

(You can look up Nickelback's song "Savin' Me" if you want, but I wanted to link to something more positive.)

I Am Not a Gift Wrap Elf

It’s time for another confession.

I am not a gift wrap elf.

Come Christmastime, every human who participates in the seasonal tradition of gift giving falls into two categories: gift wrap elves and gift wrap gremlins.

Elf (noun)

·        a supernatural creature of folk tales, typically represented as a small, elusive figure in human form with pointed ears and magical powers.

The gift wrap elves are always easy to spot. While they have learned how to hide their pointed ears and can disguise their bodies into any shape they choose, their magical power is always visible in their gift-wrapping skill. Corners are perfectly folded, paper is perfectly straight, and all ribbons are tied to perfection on any gift they give. Have an awkwardly-shaped gift? Give it to an elf you know and watch the magic work!

Grem·lin (noun, informal)

·        an imaginary mischievous sprite regarded as responsible for an unexplained problem or fault, especially a mechanical or electronic one.

Most of us, however, are gift wrap gremlins. There are varying degrees of gremlin, ranging from “slightly awkward penguin” to “help, the scotch tape is eating me!” Gifts wrapped by gremlins tend to have crooked paper and fewer decorations, mostly because hand-tied bows are the bane of our existences. Gifts from the scotch tape’s dinner, however, can be nearly unrecognizable as a present, leading many of these gremlins to pay an elf to wrap the gift for them. Fortunately for the sake of my wallet and the recipients of my gifts, I’m generally just an awkward penguin, but that doesn't make it any more fun to see one of my wrapping jobs next to that of an elf.

There really isn't much of a point to this post.

I mean, I could pull a mild Jesus Juke and say that God loves us all no matter how skilled we are at gift-wrapping (which is true). Or I could say that it’s the heart behind the gift that matters, not the skill with which it was wrapped (which is also true). But really I just wanted to make someone smile. Merry Christmas and have fun both wrapping and unwrapping gifts!

I AM: a song about Jesus

Written in February during my Excellencies of Christ class:

I AM

When you’re tired and lost, run to the cross

When you’re tired and lost, I AM (2x)

When your strength is gone and you can’t carry on

When your strength is gone, I AM (2x)

I AM

Yes, I AM

I AM one of you

And I AM (2x)

When your doubt and fear tell you I’m not here

Tell your doubt and fear I AM (2x)

Before you were, I AM

Before the earth, I AM

Before the world began

I AM, I AM (2x)

When you’re tired and lost, run to the cross

And you will find the man I AM

What God Lost

 “I want to be your companion just like in the garden, so if you’re searching for Eden, find it in Me.”

The above chorus is from a Misty Edwards song (the title of which I can’t remember or find). In EGS* tonight, this was the last song the team did. The last time we sang the chorus, Misty, who was leading, said something so simple and yet so profound: Sing it back to Him.

It’s so easy look at the Garden of Eden and see everything mankind lost, but when we focus on what we lost, we miss a major point. God lost something too. He lost the desire of His heart.

So I sang it back to Him, and as I sang it, I prayed in in my heart. “I want to be Your companion just like in the garden, so if You’re searching for Eden, find it in me. Find in me a heart that longs to fellowship with You. Find in me a beloved who loves You. Find in me a resting place. Find in my a heart that longs to worship You. Walk with me. Spend time with me. Let me be the one with whom You talk, with whom You share the secrets of Your heart.”

Open yourself up to Him, and as He gives you what you lost when mankind fell, give Him back what He lost. You will both be delighted you did.

*Encounter God Service – an International House of Prayer University class that is structured like a church service/class hybrid and is open to the public.